Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
