mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
