Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Two words: nipple clamps
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