You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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