he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
