the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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