I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
