I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
