We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
