Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
