Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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