I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
True strength comes from lack of pants
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
