dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
