Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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