True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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