don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
