I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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