how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
