I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
