hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
