I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
