apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
