Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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