The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's shark week go big or go home
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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