We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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