Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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