I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
