Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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