it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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