So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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