hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
