i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
