If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
