And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Your tits are I can't wait for
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
