I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
