are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
