i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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