my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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