so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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