I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
