I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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