I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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