Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
