I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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