I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
