On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
