What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
