okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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