someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
