in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Bring me that man meat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
