my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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