you guys were way drunker than both of me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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