'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
