you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
