Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
