she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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