I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
