remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
