After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
pray to the hookup gods
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
