He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
