Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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