everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
